if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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