When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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