You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
