If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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