barbara walters just said penis...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
