omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
