can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
