Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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