girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
