the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
