I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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