Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize