You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize