I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize