I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
