i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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