I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
