i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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