she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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