he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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