Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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