Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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