HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize