Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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