I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
