Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
