roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
