Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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