Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
