But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
