I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
