So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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