The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
