I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
