clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
