a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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