i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
