there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
