I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
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My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
