was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
