I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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