youre lurking in front of me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize