She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
