I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You are a genius and a whore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
