I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
