Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
