listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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