What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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