Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
