I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
