So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
