omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
