Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
