we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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