Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
