I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
