i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
