Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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