You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize