Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
