god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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