He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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