It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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