The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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