i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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