I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
