he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
