dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
