Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
