I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
