just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
