It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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