Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
