we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
