Your face is a jimmy john
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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