When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My life is pants optional.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
