6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
