you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
