don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What a dumb baby whore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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