there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
