I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
