Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize