I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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