You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
