What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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