Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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