love makes seman taste better
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
